Didn't Plan On That

As Allie is nearing her first birthday I can’t help but look back on what we were doing a year ago. And how thankful I am that she and I made it through her birth. I know that I’ve mentioned in a previous post that Allie spent some time in NICU after she was born. I feel that on the celebration of her upcoming first birthday, I should share our story on Allie’s grand entrance a year ago.

As you all know I am a woman who likes to be prepared to the best of my ability. So leading up to Allie’s birth my hubby and I did the birthing classes, we read the books, I asked all my mom friends for all the details of having a baby, and I did all the research on what we wanted for Allie in the first moments of her life starting. All of that was great and good information to have, but none of it prepared me for the whirlwind we went through in welcoming our baby girl into this world. 

The day before Allie was born, my swelling hit an all time high and it was unbelievably painful. I couldn’t fit into any of my shoes and the only shoes that would fit me are the ugliest and most beat up sandals that my hubby has. They are the shoes he slips on when is running out to grab the mail, take out the trash, etc. They are not the shoes you wear in public, unless you have no other options. And at that point in my pregnancy, I had no other options. To paint a better picture of how bad I had swelled up, my husband wears a size 13 shoe and I traditionally wear a size 11-12 woman’s which equals a size 10 in men’s. So my feet had grown and then some. I had heard that soaking in the pool was really helpful so I reached out to my sister and asked if I could come over that night to soak in her pool because I needed some relief. And of course my sister said yes. When we got there that night, as I was walking/waddling through the door, my sister said, “Morgan,  your legs look just like mom’s when she was pregnant with you, they are purple!” I of course was like no they are not, they are red from the swelling but so not purple. I also let my sister know that my blood pressure had been going up the last few days and that I was seeing my OB the next day. She quickly told me to make sure that I had my hospital bag packed and in the car before I went to my OB because she knew they would be sending me to the hospital between my swelling and increased blood pressure and man was she right. 

I do want to share that this doctor’s visit is when I was supposed to schedule either the date of induction or c-section for us to welcome our baby girl into the world. But the second I showed my swollen hands and ankles to the nurse taking my blood pressure,  she told me that the OB would more than likely be sending me to the hospital and that they wouldn’t be seeing me again until my 6 week check-up after our daughter was born. And boy was she right on both counts. I got a real quick cervical check and swab and was sent on my way to the hospital. I called my hubby and let him know this was not a drill but I was heading to the hospital and it may be time, though we were about a month away from the predicted due date. I grabbed my hubby from his job and stopped at FiveGuys for lunch. Yes you read that correctly, we stopped to eat before we went to the hospital. I was starving and nauseous and heard from many moms before me that once you get to the hospital they won’t feed you until after the baby is born. So with the quick consumption of a burger, fries and some ginger ale we were back on the road to the hospital. 

Once at the hospital we realized how serious the situation was, when I was told that I was not allowed to get up to use the bathroom for my own safety due to my blood pressure. And that started the rotations of medication given to me in an attempt to bring down my blood pressure but nothing worked, not even the magnesium drip for more than 20 minutes. After a couple of hours of trying to get my blood pressure down it was decided that I would be having an emergency c-section that night. In what felt like a matter of minutes I was being wheeled out to pre-op and trying my hardest to not melt in a puddle of tears because this was not how I imagined welcoming my baby into the world. I knew that a c-section would probably take place due to the fact that Allie was in the 99% for height and weight since my first trimester but I did not see it being an emergency. And there really isn’t much time to process the fact that you’re having an emergency c-section while being wheeled to pre-op and then into the operating room to have a spinal tap. Which I was warned would feel like a bunch of bees or hornets stinging me. Thankfully the nurse I had let me put on my worship music and started tapping my shoulder so I never felt the spinal tap going in. I am of course a person that is allergic to anesthesia and I kept getting sick every 10 minutes. Getting sick anytime is not fun but is super unfun when half your body is numb and all you can do is turn your head and hope it all makes it into a baggie. 

None of that mattered though once Allie was out and crying. They held her up for me and though I was grateful she was crying she wasn’t all scrunched up like most babies are when they exit the coziness of their momma’s womb for the bright and cold world. I instantly thought something was wrong and sent my hubby to be with her while she was being cleaned, weighed, measured, and checked out by NICU nurses. And throughout this my hubby was telling me her weight, height, and cutting/trimming the umbilical cord. After what felt like forever they brought her over to my face so we could be cheek to cheek and it was in that moment the nurse noticed that Allie’s breathing was labored and called NICU back to meet us in post-op. In post-op they tried to get Allie to nurse but she didn’t show any interest in latching but quickly jugged 10 mil of formula and that confirmed that her strained breathing was not a shock on entering the world but of her lungs not being fully developed. The NICU nurses placed Allie in an incubator and went to take her to NICU. Beforehand our plan was to have my sister stay with the baby if she had to leave us for any reason but since it was only my hubby and I, he was right behind the NICU nurses. After about an hour and half I was able to leave post-op, made a quick stop by NICU to see Allie and then onto my room. Though we got to the hospital in the early afternoon, it was now early, early morning and my hubby ran to the car to get our bags and we both tried to sleep for at least a little bit. I of course had nurses coming in to see me every 2 hours so neither of us got much sleep. And the next day when I asked to go and see my baby, I was told I couldn’t until I had finished my magnesium drip because I was considered a fall risk. So my hubby spent the whole day going up and down from my room to Allie’s room. Finally that night I was able to go and hold my baby. We both got some much needed skin to skin contact and that continued until the day we brought her home, which wasn’t until about 2 weeks later. And due to my blood pressure not cooperating with the medications I was also in the hospital for a majority of Allie’s stay. 

I have to say in all my labor preparations I was not prepared for an emergency delivery, my daughter going to NICU, a long hospital stay, and being released from the hospital both times before my daughter was. I had three birth plans all typed out and ready to go for whatever style of labor I needed to have for the safety of our daughter but an emergency c-section and a baby being wheeled off to NICU for an extended stay wasn’t something I had planned. Heck that wasn’t even a type of delivery that I could have pre-filled out with my preferences. I felt so prepared the day I went into the OBs office, knowing that I might be sent to the hospital and soon after meet my daughter. And in a moment all that confidence and security in what I thought I knew was gone. As much as I would go through all of that again in a heartbeat to have our beautiful, strong, silly, and thriving baby girl, it was so hard to go through. The night that I got re-admitted into the hospital due to my blood pressure spiking, I looked at my husband and asked him if he would be okay if I didn’t make it. I was truly terrified that I could have a stroke or a seizure that would steal me away from my family and I wasn’t ready. I knew the only way to stop the panic and crazy thoughts running through my head would be to ask my hubby that terrifying question. He of course said he wouldn’t be but would have to be if that was the case. And reassured me that I was going to be fine, both Allie and I would be fine. He said he had been praying and was given peace because he knew we would be okay. And we are more than okay today. God wasn’t surprised by how our daughter entered the world and all that took place afterwards.

In reading this post please don’t begin to feel anxious or nervous about how your child will enter the world if you are pregnant right now. Please read this and have a sense of hope and peace that no matter what happens God is in control. And maybe talk to your hubby about a communication plan for an emergency situation because that would have been extremely helpful to have planned out beforehand. 

Looking back now as hard as that time was, I can see God’s hand over each and every second of those days. God brought beauty out of each tearful moment and showed His goodness through it all. He showed us the strength of our daughter in her breaking free from all the machines she was connected to. He showed my hubby and I that we can make it through such a low valley with laughter alongside the tears. God showed us that we had a great community around us supporting us through prayers and meals. He also showed me how much He loves His children because the love that I felt for my daughter the moment I saw her barely touches the surface for the love that God has for me and you.