What Really Matters

Our daughter has many amazing traits and has the option to be a million things. And right now in this season, she is very unpredictable. Almost to the point of being predictable. Does that make sense? Here are a few examples if it doesn’t. 

• When Allie has gone to bed for more than 2 weeks at the same time, without fuss, and has slept through the night. I can almost count that in week three something will throw off that routine. 
• This week blackberries were BOGO at Publix and Allie crushed the two cartons within 3 days. I know that when I go and buy two more she won’t touch them until they are on the verge of going bad. I also know if I don’t get them, she’ll ask for them every day. 
• When Allie has had a rough week with naps, I know that by day 5 or 6 she will sleep hard for 2-3 hours during her morning and afternoon nap. 

See, beautifully unpredictable and predictable all at the same time. And this has been going on since she was in the womb. I can’t tell you how many safe foods would flip to unsafe after weeks and weeks. And this sense of being out of control and my life being dictated by a person that couldn’t even speak yet, drove me up a wall. Aren’t we her parents? Aren’t we the ones that are to be setting up the schedule and boundaries within our homes? Isn’t that what parenting is all about? And after many months of being unbelievably frustrated and trying to force a set schedule I started to pray. Asking God, “What am I doing wrong and why am I unable to set a simple sleep schedule for our daughter? All the research shows me how much sleep she should get at whatever stage she was in, I have the outline, why can’t I make it work? What was wrong with me?” I also reached out to my sister asking her the same questions. And she reminded me that Google doesn’t know Allie personally and to stop googling everything. So I stopped the googling and a few days later I also heard from the Lord to pay attention to Allie and her needs. That in her own way she will show me what she needs, if I am willing to be still and just be with her. 

And Allie does. When she is tired, she just starts to shut down. She goes from running a mile a minute and getting into everything to sitting on the floor, snuggling her blanket, and sucking her fingers. And when her sleep routine gets thrown out of whack it isn’t just for fun or because she wants to. Nine times out of ten there is an underlying item at play. If I’m paying attention to her before her sleep routine gets thrown out of whack I can see the warning signs. One warning sign is an increase in her appetite, to the point that she never seems full and a few days later I pick her up and she’s had a growth spurt. Cause number two can be seen in her hyper fixation on a new task because she’s mentally learning a new skill.  Then there is the messier per-warning sign with the abundance of drool to indicate teething, which always throws off her sleep because those little teethers hurt. When I slow down and stop trying to get Allie to fit into a schedule that I feel that I can manage and control, I am able to start paying attention to the signs she gives me. 

That was a sucky reality to come to terms with. Because in that process of coming to terms I tried to have no structure and just let Allie tell me everything. Which also didn’t work. Clearly an under one year old isn’t able to tell you everything and boundaries are needed for children to feel safe within their environment. Somewhere in the middle of these two ends of the pendulum are where I need to be. Now there is a schedule but it’s a loose schedule. It is not so concrete that it’s controlling but isn’t nonexistent either. Our schedule is flexible and adjust as needed. There are going to be days where we don’t get home until bedtime and we won’t be able to follow every step of our nighttime routine and that’s okay. We keep the major items, like brushing her teeth, bottle, snuggles with prayers, and a lullaby before laying her down. Having this flexibility takes off the pressure and that is amazing! At the end of the day I want to honor God in who He has called me to be and the kind of momma He desires for me. To be the kind of momma that provides the time and space for Allie to grow in the Lord, laying a strong foundation for her in the Lord, knowing she is seen, always feeling how much she is loved, and resting in the safety of our home. Those are the goals that matter most to me.